Not a Racist, or a Sexist, Just a Classic Classist

I'm in Orono for my twin sister's graduation. I thought this was going to be a really difficult time for me, but so far it's been very nice--especially hanging out with the whole family. Tonight is the first time I've hung out with the family and Val's fiance and felt like he felt like part of the family. He's a good guy and they have a good relationship, so I'm happy.
Three things that happened that I must just share:

-As we're driving to the hotel (Holiday Inn! Snazzy!), Brian is telling me, Val, and Dad about an issue that occurred at work recently, where someone took an observation of his ("Hey, these hooded towels look like Klan robes") and instead of telling him they found his observation offensive, reported him to management. He's now being "investigated." My father responded thusly:
"I try real hard not to be racist. I try real hard not to be sexist. I try real hard to offend everyone, equally, as often as I can, because it's funny. You've got to wear a cup."

-We went to a Mexican restaurant for dinner (Miguel's). The waitress was a cute, spunky blonde. She put up with my dad's jokes (he likes to give our waiters a hard time... harmless jokes, but sometimes they don't know if he's kidding or not. She responded like a champ) and, when Tori accidentally knocked over her Raspberry Daquiri, brought her a new one, free of charge.
We all started talking about the sort of random things we tend to when we're together: childhood fights, the time we were all sick on Easter, except for Dad (who had Mom and Val on the couch puking, and was holding each twin over the sink with one hand), and possibly (probably not) supernatural experiences that Tori and Val have had since Meme and Buppa died. I started to laugh, because we all were. It was a good time. Especially after Tori accused me of trying to kill her in the womb (we're fraternal twins):
Tori: Oh yeah, and see this (she grabs her left ear, which has a cute little fold in the top of the lobe)? This is where Trix bit me in the womb!
Me: That's not possible.
Tori: You did it! I know!
Dad: There wasn't any way for her to. You were in two separate placental sacs.
Tori: Well yeah, but, once like we grew, and stuff, didn't they pop?
Mom: No... that's not what happens at all.
Tori: So, I was like, a yolk?
Me: That's how eggs work.
Tori: Oh. Well, I'm not a bio major! But anyway, you bit my ear!
Me: I did not! And anyway, you basically blinded me (when I was 6, Tori accidentally dropped a foot-long icicle on my head. That summer, I had to get glasses. I maintain a correlation, if not direct causation)!
Tori: So? This is a permanent disfiguration!
I love these conversations, both absurd and extremely enjoyable, particularly when we all know we're kidding each other.

-We're laughing a lot at the restaurant, and I really have to pee, but I can't stop laughing long enough to ask Brian and Val to let me out of the booth (because of the nerve and muscle damage to certain parts of my body from Freshman year, I often am unable to tell when I need to use the bathroom until it's almost too late). Val says something absolutely hilarious, and, to be frank, I pissed myself. While still laughing, and then crying from the embarrassment. At that point, Dad says, "Well, I mean, your mom and I didn't fuck up that badly. Look where you ended up!" I didn't say it of course, but my answer at that particularly point of time was "Yes, crying and pissing myself in a family restaurant..."
Good thing Mom took me back to the hotel after we ate, and I got to take my first bath in over a year. It felt good. I also realized how incredibly phallus-shaped faucets are.